I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
