We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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