u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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