dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize