based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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