I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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