So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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