I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize