I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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