Whatcha textin bout Willis?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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