one two three fourrrrnication!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
