if you like me you must not know who I am
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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