how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
