Whod you bang
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
