In the future we'll all be gay
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
