Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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