how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I am midnight drunk by noon
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just had sex on a roof
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
