so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
