Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
