Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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