my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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