This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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