I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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