that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
