Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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