wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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