Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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