wrigley field is MILF paradise
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
