I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
