I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
