Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
