i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
