I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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