just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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