i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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