I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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