Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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