ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
