At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize