Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
