i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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