I think i peed on brittanys purse
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
