i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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