The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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