Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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