she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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