Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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