Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
as a side note pls kill me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
