physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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