This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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