We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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