This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
