none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
