Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
