I'm really into asian looking animals
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
