Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize