You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
being pregnant is like rehab
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
this is an emotional support booty call
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize