some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
