the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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