WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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