so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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