Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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