Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
