also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
