it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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