you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
