I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
