I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
