I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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