I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
