she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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