Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
