If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
