after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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