you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I understand Curling. That high.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
jump out the window naked night went bad
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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