Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
