We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
