if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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