Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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