Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
