"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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