It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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