It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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