right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
