hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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