last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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