I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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