I wish I could punch you in the face.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
