Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
whose parrot is this?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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