you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
