Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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