Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
