it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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