does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Randomize
