you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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