I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
