your parents love me but you hate me
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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