I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
