the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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