i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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