i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
