I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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