I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
