omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
