I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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