Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He felt like a one man threesome
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Randomize
