i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
