I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
