she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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